Have you ever really sat and thought about what you want out of life? I mean, seriously; and made a decision to change something, anything, for the better. Well, I did a few days ago and let me tell you I feel great. Okay, great! Wanna know what I did? I killed my family, my whole family. My wife, my son and my two twin daughters. I know what you're thinking... That it was a silly thing to do, but I thought it over a lot and I really needed a fresh start. These last few days without them have been bliss. No more nagging from my wife to take out the trash or to tell my poker buddies to go home. I mean, when fifty dollars is on the line, I don't think wagering my wedding ring is that big a deal, we could use the money. With Josh's damn braces and Cindy's dance lessons costing so much we need all the money that comes our way. She just wouldn't shut up about it... I got it back a week later and another fifteen bucks. Don't get me started on those damn dance lessons. All summer long she goes to this class that's costing me the big bucks, you know, and then when I tell her to put on one little dance for the grandparents, she fucks it all up. If mom and dad hadn't of been there, I think I might have killed her that night. And Tina won't stop whining about how she wants to be a dancer, too. I ain't got that kind of money to put both of em through dancing school, damn. For a little while, I started alternating them on the lessons... Cindy one day, Tina the next. But one day, some famous guy was coming to teach a class, some Timberlake fuck, and both of em were fighting over who got to go. So, I said, just take turns every few minutes and switch places saying they had to go to the bathroom or something, except Tina was so in love with the fuck teaching that she never gave Cindy a turn and about a half hour later, Cindy busted in in tears and blew the whole operation. The teacher didn't even know Cindy had a twin and after that, they were both kicked out of the class. Stupid kids, it's their own damn fault. Little Josh thought it was pretty funny though, in a way, I'm almost sad I offed him. He was the splitting-image of me and was growing up in a way to make me proud. Had my same sense of humor and was pretty keen on the books too. But, I thought after me having slaughtered his mother and sisters and pet dog, that he might want revenge or something. Not right away maybe, but right when I didn't expect it, like on Christmas morning or something. Well, that was a chance I couldn't take. The night before I did it, it was his thirteenth birthday so I took him to a McDonalds and let him get two happy meals. Then we went to the park and spotted chicks and I told him how easy it would be for me to go bang any one of them. I might be in my thirties but I still know how to operate. I'm no stranger to the one night stand. That's another one of the things that upset me about my wife, she hated it when I cheated on her. Man, she would throw a total bitch fit whenever she found out about them. I heard her threaten to take the kids to her mothers so many times, that those last few I almost busted up laughing it was so ridiculous. Her mother and father live in a trailer park! They don't have room for three brat kids and a pregnant woman. Wait, three brat kids and an unemployeed pregnant woman. If it wasn't for my lawn mowing business, we'd be out in the alley living in cardboard boxes still like in the first year of our marriage. When I proposed, ages ago, I promised her a roof over our heads, I didn't say it would be made of shingles and wood. That's one of the things that really started to put ideas into my head though... There was a leak in the roof above our bed and at night it would leak down onto her face and wake her up. She kept waking me up, like she expected me to go up there and fix it right then or something. Last I remember, there was still a perfectly good couch out in the living room. I told her I would fix the roof once it became a real problem. I normally didn't need her in bed after those first three minutes and she was pregnant so I really didn't need her at all. When I realized that, I started to realize I didn't need any of them. I was just fine before the kids and before the marriage, so, I did what I believe anyone would do faced with that epiphany. I killed em! Okay! I killed em! Now, the house feels more open, the remote is always free and I only have to make enough money to support one guy. I can get by mowing like five lawns a week and I'm set. With my recliner, my pizza rolls, and my Skinemax, I'd say I'm set for life now. Good times, ladies and gentlemen, good times.